Permission to Move On

It’s been just over a week since the decision became fully official, and almost a month since things started to really come apart at the seams at school. More importantly, I’ve done enough internal processing (and some rare [and raw] external processing) to be comfortable in announcing it to the world at large.  When the L-rd asked me to, I stopped wearing the teacher’s hat and officially resigned from the position. All said, I’m surprised I made it six months as a first year teacher in special education preschool while having next to no formal training in either field. I am, and will always be a teacher, but just not at this level/position. Perhaps I’ll pursue something I’m actually licensed to teach next year. Perhaps not.

For the time being, I’ve finally gotten back into a mostly regular routine, having returned to my secondary job as my primary means of paying the bills. While this carries the sad normality of counting and requesting as many [mostly brain-numbing] hours as humanely possible on a regular basis, it does have the added benefit of 1) increased regular exercise as it’s about a mile’s bike ride one way and 2) far more time to ponder things like linguistics, story-worlds, gardening, the SCA,and more.

My task list is happily plump again:

  • Writing
    • Camp NaNo in April is a go! I’ll be doing a dedicated revision period on the first of the Ice Kings series.
    • Local writing group- maybe I’ll actually be able to work out some of the monthly exercises this time around
    • Nomadic language: the more I learn, the more I realize the absolutely necessity of redoing my tense conjugations. The current system is haphazard, and unwieldy at best.
    • Let’s be honest, there’s more like 40+ bullet points I could add to this list but for the sake of your time, I’ll stop here.
  • Linguistics
    • Hebrew! I’ll finally have time to sit down and start parsing some of the rudimentary grammar elements I’ve only been able to theorize thus far. I will, however need to continue memorizing the letters and the vowels. Vowels are tricky to keep straight, but once I figure out the system, I suspect that’ll help. The fun bit is the bounce reading needed (vowels are marked above/next to/in the consonants, rather than as separate signs) to make sense of the vowels is already natural thanks to learning Quenya a few years back.
    • Speaking of Quenya, I should probably brush up on it again
    • Also, ASL. Aside from a motley collection of signs I use during worship, I’m loosing any grammar and most conversational skills rather rapidly.
  • Society for Creative Anachronism
    • At the very least, the medicinal herbs section of the garden is begging to become an Arts & Sciences project
      • This means two things:
        • Documentation! (Yes, I’m actually looking forward to this)
        • Getting the garden in, along with the rest of the heirloom veggies and herbs
    • I picked up a few lovely pieces of leather for a penner set awhile back. It’s time to make a period-appropriate way of carrying my ink and a favored quill or two.
    • Lord Manfred’s squire tablet-woven belt
    • Now that the kingdom’s online action is complete, I’ll have two callig/illumination projects to start in the near future. There’s also the matter of actually getting my info on the scribe list and taking formal assignments. (Still nervous to, but friends are still encouraging me to, so there’s that).
    • Active recruiting of the community
    • Planning (and advertising, supporting and running) community-aimed demo

So… all told, yes. I’m upset, frustrated, and disappointed that teaching didn’t work out. I miss my kids, my colleagues, and the knowledge that my college loans were actually being put to use. (And, if we’re honest, yes, I miss not having to beg for hours to make sure I can pay the bills each month). I miss my teacher-hat, and yet, I recognize it wasn’t the best fitting hat ever. I may need to try a different style of teacher-hat. I may need to look for something else entirely. I don’t know yet, and that’s okay.Yaweh’s directing my path; not me!

In the meantime, I’m going to make the best of the situation and exercise the creativity while I can. Care to join me? What are you working on?

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Permission to Move On

  1. Sorry it didn’t work out, but it sounds like the initial floundering is over, and that’s always good.
    Camp NaNo. . . I wish I could, but realistically, I’d probably spend the whole time on my Philosophy paper. I’d rather dedicate Camp time to stories (I almost said “something fun”, but this paper promises to be lots of fun).
    Nomadic language — you’re starting to sound like some of Tolkien’s letters there, where he’s complaining about his systems being problematic. Not that they turned out that way in the end.
    Documentation for the garden sounds like fun :). For now my SCAdian activity is confined to spinning, though we’re hoping (tentatively) to make Spring Coronation. Possibly. I’ve at least written a note on the calendar to keep my family reminded of its date.

    In Aesthetics yesterday we were talking about one writer’s theory that “knowing your world” is “creating your world” and creating your world is done in language. (Aha! I say. Fiat Lux and sub-creation! That’s why!) It reminded me of Tolkien’s trying to create a language and then finding that he had to learn the history of the world the language developed in, in order for it to be a real and growing thing.

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    • Nomadic language — you’re starting to sound like some of Tolkien’s letters there, where he’s complaining about his systems being problematic. Not that they turned out that way in the end.

      It probably helps my incidental language studies have been on his language studies lately 🙂 Where to start, but with the master linguist himself? Likewise, the more I delve into Hebrew, the more apparent his connection with similar languages is. Think of the vowel points and how flexible their use can be…

      I do hope to see you at Spring Coronation. It’s a bit of a drive though- what was your plan for transportation, if it works out? THere are a number of events coming up which are a bit closer you might want to make it to…

      I would have loved to sit in on your discussion in Aesthetics yesterday! A friend of mine is working on a preliminary thoery regarding elven subcreation as an extension of one’s inner being (Tolkien used the term fea, in likeness to one’s soul- the elves have an interesting theory of the soul vs body connection). It also reminds me of the phonetic/spelling connection Quenya has- without one or the other, everything falls apart. Hebrew, I suspect, has something similar, though I’ve yet to discover it. Right now, I’ll be happy to memorize the acceptable consonant clusters, and which consonants change the vocalic spelling. Parsing Hebrew script would make so much more sense after that 🙂

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      • For one reason or another, the closer events don’t work for us — as, for example, Ides being on the same day Olivia has her grand concert at St Paul’s. Dad said Moorhead is only three hours from where we live (he’s gone there for work), and we were planning to drive ourselves. Going down an hour to Marshall and then back up adds an awful lot of driving time.

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